Greetings, I'm Rexzooly Kai Black(Panda), originally birth name was Michael Philip Hellewell—yes, the "MPH" moniker was something my dad took immense pride in. I've forged my path in the world of computers, entirely self-taught. This includes delving into programming, scripting, and constructing computers. I revel in tinkering with technology, and occasionally, I find myself drawn to the world of motorcycles. While I'm still navigating the realm of bikes and comprehending their intricacies, I've been fortunate to connect with knowledgeable individuals over the years. These generous souls, who know far more than I do, are always there to lend a hand when I'm in need.

In my teenage years, I had a stint as a professional gamer—those late-night gaming sessions where bedtime seemed like a distant concept, especially when it meant outwitting friends seated beside you. Pro gaming brought some exciting perks, including new hardware, tech gadgets, and a bit of cash back in the day. These days, I'm more of a casual gamer, playing for the sheer enjoyment of it or to connect with others. My primary gaming obsession? Minecraft, where I also dabble in creating mods for the community.

Navigating both mental and physical health challenges has been a significant part of my journey. As the years go by, the toll of aging has become more apparent on my health. I now find myself managing high blood pressure, troublesome gut issues, and a few other health quirks. However, one aspect I'm still grappling with is my recent realization of being incontinent. It may sound trivial, but this shift has made me feel like I've lost a degree of freedom. An internal abscess within my anal cavity has weakened the area, resulting in painful tears if I strain myself, a harsh reality I'm learning to cope with.

I'm fortunate to have a wonderful partner, simply known as Lylias in all my writings. We've been together since 2014, a time not long after my mental breakdown, which unfortunately affected many individuals around me, both present and absent. Being a father to several children weighs heavily on my mind every day. While I wish I could still be there for them, there was a period when I wasn't mentally equipped to care for myself, let alone support a family. None of my children were planned; I found myself in situations where I foolishly believed this was my path, resulting in becoming a father when I clearly wasn't able to be a human let alone a father.

Yet, despite the nature of their arrivals, my children are deeply loved even if sadly they might never know it. Mistakes have woven themselves into every person's life, and looking back on mine, I wouldn't alter a single moment. Throughout my personal struggles and the chaos I sometimes created, I've found solace in helping others who might not have received assistance otherwise. Whether these efforts led to recovery or a return to old habits matters little. Providing individuals with the insight into their potential, allowing them to make their own decisions, has always been paramount to me.

We've all stumbled through mistakes in our lives, and undoubtedly, more will follow before we journey to whatever lies beyond. I've made my fair share, many of them revolving around neglecting my mental health. I often found myself clinging to the first person who showed care, even if they weren't the healthiest match for me. I allowed myself to believe I was following my desires, even when I wasn't, and my friends certainly won't let me forget that. Yes, I should have heeded their advice, but at the end of the day, our paths unfold in ways we can't always control.

I hope any harm I've caused can be forgiven or at least left in the past. And I'm not talking about the gossipers from my past – those folks can go take a hike(Get fucked is what I used). They were hardly hurt by me; if anything, it was the other way around for 90% of them.

I'm referring to the unsuspecting souls I unknowingly affected. Some bore the brunt of circumstances outside my control, which could have been avoided had I sought more help for my mental well-being. Regardless of what others may say – "It's not your fault" or "There's no point in dwelling on it" – I stand here, owning up to my mistakes. I could have handled things much better; my health was a mess, and the consequences of my actions have come back to bite me. But amidst all this, I like to believe I've offered support and aid to many over the years. I don't intend to halt my mission of helping others anytime soon.

In closing, to anyone grappling with mental health challenges or facing any other significant issues that could impact themselves and those around them, I urge you to deeply consider seeking professional help. It's not a sign of weakness, but rather a courageous step towards healing and a better tomorrow. There are skilled professionals who can provide guidance, support, and tools to navigate these turbulent waters. Your well-being matters, not just for yourself but for the people whose lives you touch. Take that step, reach out, and let's pave a path towards brighter days together.